My Purpose

The title of my blog is Searching... and I wanted to tell you all what that means, Moreover, what the whole blog is about.

At this point in my life I don't know what I'm headed for. I don't know who I'll be or what I'll do. I don't know what I want. I don't feel like I know much of anything. Life is a journey. It is a path that may lead me into different directions, and take me to where I need to be.

I feel as though I have been put on this earth for a purpose. A purpose that deals with my destiny. Now you might ask, "Isn't your purpose the same as your destiny?" I say, no, it is not. I believe that they are similar, yes, but the same, no. My purpose right now is to find my destiny. To help find it, I have brought you along for the ride.

After I had started this blog, I realized what I needed to do to keep my life in check. I needed to write. Write things down so I wouldn't forget. Forget what I no longer want to know. Know what I what to be. And be myself. What I need now is is to learn. I need to learn about the world around me and how to be myself in it. I need to figure out what I need and change myself, in order to be better and smarter.

I have this burning passion inside myself, but I do not know what it truly wants.

FML

Of all the wrotten luck. Keep in mind, I wrote this a year ago on the first day of school. My writting was rusty. Half of this stuff is true, although I tend to be a lazy stubborn person. I did get my permit, just a month later. This is my dad's fault. I am about to get my licence. Yes, it took that long. I also found a few colleges that I am interested in. However, I don't know if I can get into them. I took my ACT and only received a 19. Oh joy, I need a twenty. Volunteering was a waste. I volunteered at an animal shelter and relized something. I don't like dogs. I don't want to be a Vet anymore. Great. As for the summer job, good luck to anyone looking for a job in this economy.

AP ENGLISH III JOURNAL ENTRY #1

One short term goal to acheive this year would be to get my driver's permit this saturday (even though I should be driving already). Another would be to figure out what college to go to after school. Also, I need to save money and maybe start finding some shcolarships. I would like to pass the SATs and ACTs which will also help me with school. Finding a place to volunteer at would be a good idea since I need more hours for NHS and the place that I applied for was filled. Volunteering would also help me get a job this summer.

Confessions of a Twitter Nerd

This is one of many of my journal entries from last year's Junior AP English class. I like this one the best. I even had the courage to speak my sorry-shy-ass up and read it to the class. I'll be posting more of these but in the mean time, this one will be first in line.

I have to give a narration before you read it though. The entry may speak for itself, but I want to give you some insight. I wrote this when Twitter used to say "What Are You Doing?" instead of "What's Happening?". When I was in love with my Twitter. Yes, more in love than Facebook. This was before I stopped my obsession over my "favorite musician" talked about in the entry. This was before I knew that lots of people role play on Twitter. I was very naive. I also had way to big of an imagination. Unfortunately I still do, otherwise I wouldn't have a Twitter role playing account.

This is my old Twitter confession.

AP English III Journal Entry #22

In this day in age there are many new technologies that are yet to be announced. There are so many things to keep us occupied. Ranging from all of the new things that we can do, for example, with satellite TV, the Internet, gaming systems, and so forth.

One of the most many extraordinary applications is Twitter. When it comes to the Internet, Twitter is one of the more basic and simpler applications and the best by far. "What are you doing?" That is all that the website asks. But besides updating what you are up to or stalking your favorite movie star, Twitter is useful for a number of things. A lot of people use it to share their businesses, ideas, write reviews for movies or books, or even tell their followers what music is popular.

Twitter can also be the site for massive fan-fic. Never in your wildest dreams would you imagine reading what your favorite movie or book character is doing past their movie or book, let alone "talk" to them. Really? This questions me sometimes if these the real thing or just an obsessive fan's sick joke to the richly imaginative human mind. To think that this person is just another nerd (like you) making up their own stories is appalling. And yet, people still find themselves talking to their favorite superhero about what they ate for lunch yesterday. Then again, there are the wackos who try and talk to their favorite musician even though they know deep down in their heart that they will never answer them back.

I made it!

The past couple of weeks have been exhausting and crazy. First things first have got "senioritis" or "senior fever". Call it what you may, I am still not a senior. At least I'm not ready to graduate. I'm only a Junior here people. The point is, at the end of the school year I tend to get a little, well maybe not a little, lazy. I don't feel like doing anything, I stop turning in homework, my parents get mad....blah. I just start to feel like a worthless sack of nothingness. That is fine until everything else falls apart.
The next thing that happens; my aunt dies. And no she does not "die" she freaking died, dead, diesss. She killed herself and she was only 28 and a week later she would have been 29. So I freak out, right? I mean I didn't even know her that well. I wanted to. I still do. I wanted her to see me graduate. I wanted her to come to my 18th birthday party. And you know what the really shitty part is? I was in school....still. Yeah I know I had to go to school, but you know it sucks when someone dies. Couldn't they wait to give me all of those end of the year projects? I'm just a kid I can't deal with all this.
The funny thing is I have forgotten a lot about all of that, at least for a while. I sat in my room and watched The Dark Knight; which probably wasn't a good idea considering that the whole time they were screaming, "Rachel!!". (That's my aunts name). Now when I watch things or listen to people, I try not to notice. I started having dreams with her in them. And now that school is over my dreams are stil stress related. I keep dreaming about school. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!
The good thing is, I made it! I made it through the school year (with all As and Bs)!I can finally stare at the wall for a few weeks. I can finally get a job. I can finally...just breathe.

http://nataliepie.deviantart.com/

I've got no master plan to help me out Or make me stand up for All the things that I really want You had me to afraid to ask And as I look ahead of me Cry and pray for sanity 'Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly Sometimes I fall But I've seen it done before I got to step outside these walls

Art/Harley Randomness

I have no idea why I decided to do this. Maybe it was because I was bored again or I hated all the photos of me as Harley...Hey I am just a kid. I'm 17 not 23. I'm not an adult like Harley. So I photoshopped-more like painted over- a picture of some random model.
I put my Heath Ledger Harley version into it. I like the results!! Tell me what you think!