Thinking to Death

Have you ever had those moments when you find yourself talking to yourself?

Well I find myself doing that all of the time. Usually when I'm tyring to sleep or when I'm angry...hmmm.

And then there are times when I try to analyze my thought process (like I am doing right now). The thing is I never wanted to be a psychiatrist or sociologist or whatever, but I find myself wondering why people are the way that they are. And another thing is I can't stand people. So I put the thought of being a shrink for a living...ewww.

People Are Like Crayons

The other day I was drawing a picture, like I normally do when I am bored. My sister came in and started to dig through the box full of crayons. She pulled out one in particular, a rainbow crayon that she had gotten in pre-school. She said, "I can't believe I still have this thing."

It has been at least 10 years since she got that stupid crayon,that might not seem like that long but it does to me. See every time I had tried to use that crayon she would tell me to ask first. I never could use either side of it alone or the color purple or red would fade away, which it has started to now. Sadly I would ask to use the crayon allot but only ended up using it when she wasn't mad at me.

Anyway ten years doesn't seem like that long of a time but.... in away crayons are like people. They com in different shapes,colors, sizes, and brands and they always end up fading away growing smaller and smaller. And you always have your memories about crayons.

How they would smell the first day of school.


What color your favorite one was.


The huge box of Crayolas that got melted in the sun.


Maybe even eating them.


But that stupid rainbow crayon made me realize something: you always have memories and I guess in some ways crayons can be like people.

Blogging in the Dark

You know having a slow computer can have it's advantages:

a) when it starts to crash read a book to pass the time

b) you realize some things.... like what I'm telling you right now

c) you start to look at new computers because you know that this one won't last much longer.

If only there was a way to get me a new computer. But I'm stuck with this one in my room at one in the morning in the dark..and no one in the house knows what I'm doing. I love my privacy *sigh*. Well there is no getting around it I am stuck with my computer just like I am stuck with my brain. Someday I think I will check myself in to a mental institute. I don't know why but maybe it would be fun. Maybe that is why I am crazy. (Like saying this won't help me at all.)


I have conversations with myself all of the time. What else is new... I mean I only do it when I am alone I bet you do the same thing.I can't speak right when I am out in public. When I'm at home I talk perfectly normal. I think this is because I am nervous around people. I don't want to sound stupid, but end up sounding stupid. My paragraphs keep changing subjects is that bad?

If you haven't noticed already I feel alive at night. Maybe too ALIVE. Lack of sleep makes me act strange. Maybe that is why you are seeing a new side of me? Anyway I am going to try and not think of a certain someone tonight and TRY to get some sleep.

Sweet dreams nighttime readers.

<3

Very Bored

After hopelessly searching the Internet for things to do I finally stopped. Why waste my time. Well I guess I have been reading to much lately and wanted something else to do. So now I find myself at the computer typing random things and hoping that it will entertain myself. Since this doesn't seem to be working I might have to practice my violin some more.
But if a certain friend would answer my messages I wouldn't have the trouble of not knowing what time she will pick me up tomorrow. Which will probably result in missing the concert that I am going to which just so happens to be my very first one!!!!! *sigh* I need to stop writing in run on sentences.

Anyway....

Now I have to go do whatever it was that I was not doing in the first place.

Yeah well...

Oh well with my dream... so I didn't make it...my friend didn't even do well and SHE made it...well that what she said, "I messed up on everything."
We bumped into each other.. I mean the judges were rude a squished us together!

Whatever.. I mean I'm over it life is a dance and we should keep on dancing no matter how hard the dance may seem or hoe fast the music is. I'm moving on with my life and I am good at more things than one. We all have our chances and should take them. We give up the things we love the most for the thing that we need... Like swimming...I gave up swimming because I was literally LOSING IT!!My mined was in a jumble and I was getting very little sleep and getting sick very often. It was making me very VERY depressed! I had to stop even though it meant letting down the team. I knew that I wasn't that good and kept at it anyway.

At first I couldn't swim 3 laps with out stopping then I became even better. Even if I wasn't as good as everybody else I kept to it because I LOVE LOVE LOVE to swim! And I knew that stopping would shut off all of that progress..but I had to in order to keep my mental health. So I quit and began to sleep hahaha....

Even though I STILL might not have my mental health I am not tired anymore...well maybe when I blog at Midnight!

Put a smile on that face, and remember to keep dancing.

or swimming just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!