My Artwork

No matter how crazy I get I can let it all out in artwork...here is how I have been feeling...

Depression, Obsession and What Not

Since the recent "state" of my life has been, well, a little crazy I've decided to share that:

All my life I have easily become obsessed with things. I have realized that this is indeed a problem and should look into it. Basically my obsessions have become so bad that the thing that I am obsessed with comes up in almost every situation (maybe that is why they call it an obsession).

Anyway, I mostly become obsessed with fantasy things, such as books or movies (good thing I never caught on to Twilight). This has become a real problem because I have found that if I like something and what it to make me happy I will talk about it, research it, read it, find out whatever there is to know about it until it distracts from my daily functions.

Now I have found myself obsessed with myself being obsessed and I now think of myself as mentally ill. Of course I am not and would have check myself in by now, but I have started to research about my obsessions (about myself being obsessed not the obsessions themselves). I have come to find truly ill (because I have researched symptoms). And since I am still searching for the cure to life... you must still read my blog no matter how crazy of a person I am. And because most of the world is crazy, and they just don't know it yet, you are in fact (in a way) just like me.

"Crazy people don't think they're crazy, they think they're getting saner...and so ..sane people shouldn't think they're sane but they are actually going a little crazy" ~The Joker
From: thejokerblogs.com

It Has Been a While

Yes I know it has been a while, but I have been busy (who isn't). I am so very excited to tell you guys that I am liking my new school year so far. This year is starting off to be a challenge, but every Junior year of high school is.

Anyway I hope to have more exciting posts in the future but for now I have nothing much to say.

School... Again...

I was just thinking of you today! We are doing tryouts this Monday and time trials Tuesday and Wednesday... I could use help on those days for sure. Any time you want to come to the pool you are more then welcome to and maybe next year your school load wont be as hard and you can come back!


I was so happy when I got this response back from my swim coach!! Awesome I get to help out!!! I was really missing swimming and the team and everything. This year I hope will be a good one and I am going to study Spanish like crazy! I really want to do well in that class. AP English will be though too since we have homework almost every night...except for this weekend...hmmm.

Anyway I am glad to be at school well I don't really like school, but I'm slowly starting to again. I'm just glad to see my friends. :)

<3

Thinking to Death

Have you ever had those moments when you find yourself talking to yourself?

Well I find myself doing that all of the time. Usually when I'm tyring to sleep or when I'm angry...hmmm.

And then there are times when I try to analyze my thought process (like I am doing right now). The thing is I never wanted to be a psychiatrist or sociologist or whatever, but I find myself wondering why people are the way that they are. And another thing is I can't stand people. So I put the thought of being a shrink for a living...ewww.

People Are Like Crayons

The other day I was drawing a picture, like I normally do when I am bored. My sister came in and started to dig through the box full of crayons. She pulled out one in particular, a rainbow crayon that she had gotten in pre-school. She said, "I can't believe I still have this thing."

It has been at least 10 years since she got that stupid crayon,that might not seem like that long but it does to me. See every time I had tried to use that crayon she would tell me to ask first. I never could use either side of it alone or the color purple or red would fade away, which it has started to now. Sadly I would ask to use the crayon allot but only ended up using it when she wasn't mad at me.

Anyway ten years doesn't seem like that long of a time but.... in away crayons are like people. They com in different shapes,colors, sizes, and brands and they always end up fading away growing smaller and smaller. And you always have your memories about crayons.

How they would smell the first day of school.


What color your favorite one was.


The huge box of Crayolas that got melted in the sun.


Maybe even eating them.


But that stupid rainbow crayon made me realize something: you always have memories and I guess in some ways crayons can be like people.

Blogging in the Dark

You know having a slow computer can have it's advantages:

a) when it starts to crash read a book to pass the time

b) you realize some things.... like what I'm telling you right now

c) you start to look at new computers because you know that this one won't last much longer.

If only there was a way to get me a new computer. But I'm stuck with this one in my room at one in the morning in the dark..and no one in the house knows what I'm doing. I love my privacy *sigh*. Well there is no getting around it I am stuck with my computer just like I am stuck with my brain. Someday I think I will check myself in to a mental institute. I don't know why but maybe it would be fun. Maybe that is why I am crazy. (Like saying this won't help me at all.)


I have conversations with myself all of the time. What else is new... I mean I only do it when I am alone I bet you do the same thing.I can't speak right when I am out in public. When I'm at home I talk perfectly normal. I think this is because I am nervous around people. I don't want to sound stupid, but end up sounding stupid. My paragraphs keep changing subjects is that bad?

If you haven't noticed already I feel alive at night. Maybe too ALIVE. Lack of sleep makes me act strange. Maybe that is why you are seeing a new side of me? Anyway I am going to try and not think of a certain someone tonight and TRY to get some sleep.

Sweet dreams nighttime readers.

<3

Very Bored

After hopelessly searching the Internet for things to do I finally stopped. Why waste my time. Well I guess I have been reading to much lately and wanted something else to do. So now I find myself at the computer typing random things and hoping that it will entertain myself. Since this doesn't seem to be working I might have to practice my violin some more.
But if a certain friend would answer my messages I wouldn't have the trouble of not knowing what time she will pick me up tomorrow. Which will probably result in missing the concert that I am going to which just so happens to be my very first one!!!!! *sigh* I need to stop writing in run on sentences.

Anyway....

Now I have to go do whatever it was that I was not doing in the first place.

Yeah well...

Oh well with my dream... so I didn't make it...my friend didn't even do well and SHE made it...well that what she said, "I messed up on everything."
We bumped into each other.. I mean the judges were rude a squished us together!

Whatever.. I mean I'm over it life is a dance and we should keep on dancing no matter how hard the dance may seem or hoe fast the music is. I'm moving on with my life and I am good at more things than one. We all have our chances and should take them. We give up the things we love the most for the thing that we need... Like swimming...I gave up swimming because I was literally LOSING IT!!My mined was in a jumble and I was getting very little sleep and getting sick very often. It was making me very VERY depressed! I had to stop even though it meant letting down the team. I knew that I wasn't that good and kept at it anyway.

At first I couldn't swim 3 laps with out stopping then I became even better. Even if I wasn't as good as everybody else I kept to it because I LOVE LOVE LOVE to swim! And I knew that stopping would shut off all of that progress..but I had to in order to keep my mental health. So I quit and began to sleep hahaha....

Even though I STILL might not have my mental health I am not tired anymore...well maybe when I blog at Midnight!

Put a smile on that face, and remember to keep dancing.

or swimming just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!

Inspired Again

Looking at dances again on YouTube and I came across this one:



I just remembered how much I love this song. Anyway the channel is filled with awsome dances check it out at: http://www.youtube.com/user/dancertab

I found a bunch of dances on YouTube to Headlock. They are not at all like my dance, witch is a good thing. They don't seem very good though...sorry. I don't know they don't go very well with the music. Because I am also a musician I am all about dynamics. If the dance does not go well with the song the audience won't "feel" want the choreographer wants them to feel. Some of them are very creative though and do go with the music.Enjoy!

Brooke

One of my very best friends Brooke is in our schools dance class. She made it intermediate last year at tryouts. This year I forced her to tryout for the dance company this year. She has already been choreobraphing a dance and decided to use it for the tryouts.She had chose the song Halo by Beyoncé.Recently she had a chance to show it to me and I had suddenly felt like a really bad dancer. She is such a wonderful dancer and I hope that she will make it.
So we critiqued each others dances and we are now planing on getting together again. We both have some great ideas and together I hope that we can do a dance together. But, in the mean time I am bored out of my mind. I have changed my dance so many times. I am trying to make it better, but end up changing half of it. It does seem to be going well so I just hope that it works out.

<3 Natalie

Student By Day Blogger By Night

I am always really busy during the day. Well who isn't. Nighttime is the time when I come out. No matter how overworked or tired I get during the day I all ways find something to do at night. So now this blog will give me a chance to show how music really means to me. I can express the art of dance to those who enjoy it as much as I do. I can work even at midnight.


<3 Natalie

Inspiration!

Don't forget here is the link to Dancer Magazine website: http://danceruniverse.com/
and here is their twitter account:http://twitter.com/DancerMagazine
(for some reason the links aren't working well.... sorry!)

So I have been poking around twitter(got to love it)and I found Dancer Magazine. Of course I am following them now! I started to look at some videos on their website. I found these ones that seem kind of modern...kind of like the dance that I am putting together. Anyway they are not the best, but I like the style.

Headlock

So I am choreographing a dance to the song Headlock by Imogen Heap. I hope it turns out. I really want to make pulse this year...but then again I really don't want to their choreography kind of sucks. High school need to step it up a notch! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKZsZkH_MJc
Anyway the dance is supposed to very emotional...grr

Yeah My First Post!

So I'm kind of an underdog...never have taken dance lessons (well when I was five) and I didn't make the cut to be in my schools dance classes,whatever, I still am trying.